Movie Review: The Hangover

The Hangover might not be the funniest movie of all time like that kid with the really red eyes, stupid ass Che t-shirt, and the Febreze travel version hanging out his back pocket would have you believe. But it is, however,  mostly hilarious, always fun, and a much better way to spend 2 hours than summer shit-fests like Wolverine and Terminator. Come to think of it, most things are better than Wolverine and Terminator: Salvation such as funerals, cavity searches, diseases, germs, and homicide.

Movie Review: Ice Age Dawn of the Dinosaurs

After this movie ended, I felt the same way I did moments after I killed a man for the first time: absolutely nothing. 

Movie Review: Whatever Works

Larry David starring in a Woody Allen movie.  Reading those words last summer was like a dream come true. And not only that, but Whatever Works was to include Woody reuniting with his most reliable star: New York City. 

Movie Review: Year One

Year One plays out less like a fairly big budget comedy in 2009 and more like a movie made in 1997 starring Chris Kattan. The kind of movie that was based on a Saturday Night Live skit that was kind of funny for about two or three years before that and by the time it was made, the biggest star they could get to be in it was James Belushi.

Movie Review: The Taking of Pelham 123

A meeting at the movie studio not so long ago…

Movie Studio Boss: Ok, we have to do something. Kids aren’t coming out to movies like they used to. What do they even like these days!?

Movie Review: Up (3D)

The most consistently great thing about movies in the past decade or so has been Pixar.  The animation production company has given us movies involving fish, toys, cars, robots, bugs, and more. But, could a movie that involves an old guy in a house that floats with the help of balloons continue that streak of greatness?

Movie Review: The Haunting in Connecticut

You know when you wake up in the middle of the night and something that was digitally made on a computer scares the living shit out of you!? This is the basis for The Haunting in Connecticut.

Movie Review: Terminator Salvation

If only I could send a young Arnold back in time to take out the mother of director MgG for bringing him into this world and making this movie. Or better yet, I’d like to take out the person who thought it was a good idea to create the nickname “McG.”

Movie Review: Star Trek

Still hurting from when that hairy, angry, asshole named Wolverine dug his claws deep into your back? Everything is okay, now. The summer has officially kicked off at warp speed (yes that is seriously the best ending to that sentence I could think of).

Movie Review: Wolverine

Although I never saw the unfinished version of X-Men Origins: Wolverine that leaked online, I assumed that it included such questionable scenes as:

Movie Review: Watchmen

Watchmen is  jam packed with so much in its 2 hours and 40-plus  minute running time that it doesn’t ask you for a second viewing, it gives you an emotional bloody uppercut Mortal Kombat style that leaves your head spinning; all the while demanding that you watch it again.

Movie Review: The International

A conversation from on set during the filming of The International:

Video: The Life & Times of a Skinny Perverted Scumbag IV

The fourth entry in my The Life & Times of a Skinny Perverted Scumbag series.

(No, that picture is not the video. Stop clicking it. The video is in the rest of the post)

Movie Review: Taken

The plot of  Taken (originally titled Schindler’s Fist) is quite simple, Liam Neeson plays an ex-spy who must rescue his kidnapped daughter and in order to do so, he must kill everyone that ever lived.

Movie Review: My Bloody Valentine 3D

My Bloody Valentine has it all: Blood, boobs, guts, bloody guts, boobs, body parts being chopped off, boobs, and acting that’s anywhere from acceptable to downright awful…all in glorious 3D. One would think that a boob or anything for that matter would be so much better in 3D, but, I found myself painfully bored for most of the movie.

Movie Review: Paul Blart Mall Cop

So,

1) He’s Paul Blart

2) He’s a mall cop

3) He knocks into a lot of things

4) Yes the title is one drunk text away from being, “Hey dude. u want 2 see Paul Fart: Mall Crap?”

5) He says silly things while keeping a straight face

6) The villains should not even have names, but instead Evil Villain #1 and Evil Villain #2, etc.

It’s ok, people, you’re allowed to like it and laugh.